A Different Kind of Relationship

Have you ever had a friend or family member who just cannot seem to make a “relationship” work out? Relationship in this case is defined as a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings with one another. Be it romantic, work, family, or whatever, there is a relationship that exists. Who is at fault when a relationship does not work out the way it was intended or when it ceases to exist?

Relationships tend to exist by a matter of declaration, mutual alignment, or by default born into the relationship. A declared relationship is one that is initiated by a declaration, be it spoken or unspoken. For example, “I really like spending time with you and I would like to continue seeing you”. A workplace relationship is a great example of a relationship that is initiated through mutual alignment. Regardless of how a relationship begins, its workability is determined on an ongoing basis by matter of choice. Simply stated, one of the participants chooses to have it work for them or not.

The common belief shared by many people is that for a relationship to work out in a way that benefits both parties it should be a 50/50 relationship. That is to say each party brings their 50% to the relationship and by some sort of osmosis they meld together to become blissful. When something goes wrong in the relationship it is usually the fault of the other person’s percentage being flawed or misaligned. Hardly ever will someone say, “The 50% that I brought to the relationship just didn’t work”. It does not take much to see that a 50/50 relationship will seldom work out for either party. So what will work? Try this one on for size…A relationship in which one of the parties brings 100% to the relationship.

Let us pretend that you are entering a new relationship. It can be a work relationship, an intimate relationship, or we could even be talking about a relationship with a family member. If you operate within the context that you are 100% satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship, and that you bring that satisfaction and fulfillment by a matter of choice and declaration, then you will always be 100% satisfied and fulfilled. No longer will you be waiting for them to do something or say something to make you happy or fulfilled. You are there because you are happy and fulfilled. Why…Because you say so! As a matter of declaration, you have removed the obstacles of having a happy and fulfilled relationship. What obstacles? The expectations that the other person need give you something in order to be happy and fulfilled. Be honest…Even if the other person were to deliver upon all of your expectations that you had, they would still not completely satisfy you! By declaring that you are bringing 100% to a relationship, you begin to cause your own life and are no longer at the effect of what the other did or did not say or do in order to fulfill your imaginary needs. A matter of being in that relationship fulfills you. A completely new paradigm for being related opens up to you and this new paradigm is one that has you become cause in the matter of your own life!

A freedom exists in this new paradigm, but it requires you to give up the idea that happiness and fulfillment lives outside of you. The freedom can only begin to exist when the realization is that happiness and fulfillment is a matter of being, and ultimately it is created or declared by one’s self. This requires a new way of thinking, but how well has the old way of thinking worked out for you?