A Different Kind of Relationship

Have you ever had a friend or family member who just cannot seem to make a “relationship” work out? Relationship in this case is defined as a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings with one another. Be it romantic, work, family, or whatever, there is a relationship that exists. Who is at fault when a relationship does not work out the way it was intended or when it ceases to exist?

Relationships tend to exist by a matter of declaration, mutual alignment, or by default born into the relationship. A declared relationship is one that is initiated by a declaration, be it spoken or unspoken. For example, “I really like spending time with you and I would like to continue seeing you”. A workplace relationship is a great example of a relationship that is initiated through mutual alignment. Regardless of how a relationship begins, its workability is determined on an ongoing basis by matter of choice. Simply stated, one of the participants chooses to have it work for them or not.

The common belief shared by many people is that for a relationship to work out in a way that benefits both parties it should be a 50/50 relationship. That is to say each party brings their 50% to the relationship and by some sort of osmosis they meld together to become blissful. When something goes wrong in the relationship it is usually the fault of the other person’s percentage being flawed or misaligned. Hardly ever will someone say, “The 50% that I brought to the relationship just didn’t work”. It does not take much to see that a 50/50 relationship will seldom work out for either party. So what will work? Try this one on for size…A relationship in which one of the parties brings 100% to the relationship.

Let us pretend that you are entering a new relationship. It can be a work relationship, an intimate relationship, or we could even be talking about a relationship with a family member. If you operate within the context that you are 100% satisfied and fulfilled in the relationship, and that you bring that satisfaction and fulfillment by a matter of choice and declaration, then you will always be 100% satisfied and fulfilled. No longer will you be waiting for them to do something or say something to make you happy or fulfilled. You are there because you are happy and fulfilled. Why…Because you say so! As a matter of declaration, you have removed the obstacles of having a happy and fulfilled relationship. What obstacles? The expectations that the other person need give you something in order to be happy and fulfilled. Be honest…Even if the other person were to deliver upon all of your expectations that you had, they would still not completely satisfy you! By declaring that you are bringing 100% to a relationship, you begin to cause your own life and are no longer at the effect of what the other did or did not say or do in order to fulfill your imaginary needs. A matter of being in that relationship fulfills you. A completely new paradigm for being related opens up to you and this new paradigm is one that has you become cause in the matter of your own life!

A freedom exists in this new paradigm, but it requires you to give up the idea that happiness and fulfillment lives outside of you. The freedom can only begin to exist when the realization is that happiness and fulfillment is a matter of being, and ultimately it is created or declared by one’s self. This requires a new way of thinking, but how well has the old way of thinking worked out for you?

Where Do You Stand?

Let’s face it, each day we are inundated with news about the struggling economy, joblessness, and rising costs of goods and services. Each new day brings another story about a company that has laid off part of its workforce, or warns of the looming possibility. In worst-case scenarios staff reductions may have hit you personally. So where do you stand?

When a job loss is suffered personally, it is almost by default that feelings of anger, resentment and worry will occur. Consider that these feelings are protective by nature and designed by our “self” as an immediate defense mechanism to survive the traumatic experience. What is done with these feelings and how they are managed is what will make a difference. Accepting the situation as what’s so and dealing with it is a great place to start! The job that was once there is no longer there…that’s what’s so. What happens next?

Get in action! Take control over the situation and become cause in the matter and not at its affect. There is a choice here actually, and the choice is to wallow in the circumstances that have presented themselves or to stand in the possibility of a new future and go after it. There is real power in the second choice, and it has the job seeker show up to interviews as confident, determined, responsible, and appropriate for the job. Being cause in the matter of the situation at hand will empower the job search even when perceived obstacles are in the way. If you are that life stinks, everything is doomed, and there is no hope, then that is exactly what you will communicate to any prospective employer when you are interviewing- be it verbal or unspoken.

As a recruiter at GameRecruiter, I have the pleasure of speaking with dozens of people daily, and I have developed a talent for hearing what I like to call “unsaid communication”. The unsaid communication can also be labeled a background of concern, or at its most elementary stage, it might be referred to as a mood. Regardless of what it’s called, it’s always present, and yes, I do mean always! The words being spoken can be saying one thing, and the “unsaid communication” could quite often be saying something completely contrary. What’s important to know here is that your unspoken communication is received as loudly as the spoken. When I speak with someone searching for a job for an amount of time that they feel is too long, I can hear the resignation and cynicism in their communication. It is not my intention to downplay the struggles that are faced after losing employment; however, these emotions and feelings must be confronted and replaced with motivation and determination if the intention is to interview as a good candidate.

In summation, a job seeker that begins a new career search with the context being “There are no jobs out there for me and the economy stinks”, is likely to go home with proof that the economy stinks because they didn’t find a job. My mantra is this: “Life is a game that you are playing like it or not. You can either get on the field and play it or sit in the stands and watch it pan out. Either choice will work, but regardless you are in the game until it’s finished. If you get on the field and play a while you might just win!”